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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 5/3/2011 Posts: 36 Location: lincolnshire
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Maybe just me but thought my hubby understood, last comment knocked me for six on how I only fall to sleep when he's home so not true he's always said its not a problem I'm so tired constantly just wish I could give it to him for half a day love him dearly but comment has hurt alot
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 5/2/2012 Posts: 670 Location: where the sun always shines :o
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Hello Becky There are many people with ra that probably go through similar thoughts/comments - are you on about lovings in the bedroom?  Since I've had ra I've had to learn to adapt with pain in my joints and not feeling like I want to oblige as much....it doesn't mean that I don't love my man. Take a look on the NRAS site go to: publications then emotions, relationships and sexuality. Have a look at the down load to see if this can offer any help (I will have a read as well). Take care of yourself. Sending you a gentle hug Xxxx Jane
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 4/24/2013 Posts: 703 Location: Hexham
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I think that for even the most understanding of partners, our never ending fatigue must be a trial and make us sometimes really difficult people to live with. It's a horrible fact but our disease leaves more than one person's life devastated. And so I would say that the one thing to do is to say sorry because I suspect your partner will probably be feeling guilty, and your apology will probably allow him to acknowledge that. We (men) are not very good at being sympathetic. Paul Barrett
Hexham - Northumberland - Loads of spectacular walks - all I need now are the joints to go with them! :)
Enthesitis (2012)
Ulcerative Colitis (1990)
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/8/2013 Posts: 144 Location: Dumfries
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Hi Becky
I completely understand where you are coming from as I think it so difficult for our husbands/partners to understand what we have and fatigue is such a big part of RA. Personally I have had disagreements about housework as I could not do as much as I used to. With the best will in the world they do not understand and it can be a lonely place. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on.
Lisa x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 5/3/2011 Posts: 36 Location: lincolnshire
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No Jane that's all good :) just the fatigue and him getting angry with me as I do nod off while watching tv but I still work full time do housework ,he does more than his fair share but it just came out the blue and yeah have said sorry for this just wish he could feel the fatigue x x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 5/3/2011 Posts: 36 Location: lincolnshire
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No Jane that's all good :) just the fatigue and him getting angry with me as I do nod off while watching tv but I still work full time do housework ,he does more than his fair share but it just came out the blue and yeah have said sorry for this just wish he could feel the fatigue x x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 714
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Becky
Living with RA is very difficult and I expect it is totally unexplainable to someone who does not have it. I just wish they could have a "taster" session for a day and then there would be no misunderstanding how unbearably tiring and miserable it can be. My Husband "understands" and does so much for me. He is always one step ahead of me and has taken over almost completely the running of the household. I work five days a week and he is retired. However, I feel so guilty that all I want to do in an evening and weekend is rest and sleep. I wonder if he possibly wonders where the girl has gone that he married. I would love to be vibrant and energetic and have a full social life as we did in the early days but that is not going to happen.
I think the key to this is not beat yourself up about it. To continue working you are just going to have to do as you are doing, otherwise your health will suffer and then your job in turn will also suffer. To be honest, I think we should congratulate ourselves that we are still able, at the moment, to hold down a job and things could be far worse as it is for so many of our fellow members.
Take care
Jackie
xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 561
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Hi Becky , just wanted to say your doing a great job working full time and doing all the house chores whilst having RA !!
Hubby might have just been having a bad day ?
Thinking of you Sophie x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,006 Location: Timperley
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Good advice from Jane re info on the NRAS web site, always a good place to start with any RA related queries.
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/25/2010 Posts: 1,289 Location: Buckinghamshire
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hi Becky,
yes the fatigue is the hidden part of RA isn't it.
when i was first diagnosed i came out of the consultation in tears which must have been a shock for my Hubby who was waiting for me outside.
we read through all the literature together, and also all the info NRAS sent .. so he also got a better understanding as well as me .. as i truly had no idea about RA apart from seeing Children with it in hospital programme's.
we work very well together as a team, although having been married 41 years next month eeeekkk .. lol so it's hardly surprising, but when i started on Humira and went for the consultation this time i took Hubby in with me ( my Rheumy Nurse suggested it ) as he always wait's outside for me, he has to come along with me as i need a wheelchair to get around the hospital can't walk distance due Osteo in both knee's.
i think the realisation of the huge step for me going onto an Anti-TFN really came home to him, rather than i just come out and said well i've now got this new drug to try .. so really what i'm saying is does your Hubby ever go in with you to your Consultation's i think that would be a good idea, and then he could hear it from the specialist just how debilitating the fatigue is, as really only we know just how tired we feel even if we say it enough.
it's easy for a flippant remark to hurt when you're tired .. i am sure he didn't mean harm by it, but armed with all the right info might make him take it on board more.
do let us know how things are,
Suzanne x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 5/3/2011 Posts: 36 Location: lincolnshire
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Thanks everyone he must of been having bad day me also its just so shocking to to hear some things and yeah I'm doing well working full time plus doing house work but to be honest I push myself to hard and pay for it end of every day , I got a little rescue shihtzu whom keeps me going and keeps me moving best thing for my ra is my hubby my family and of course my dog .thanks to you all for being there when I felt awful and at a low x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 5/2/2012 Posts: 670 Location: where the sun always shines :o
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Hiya Becky,
Tell us about your dog!
Glad you are feeling better x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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The replies are great There's a point about being a loyal loving kind wife / husband Despite having a lacking in the physical love department Being grateful for one another through the tough times in life Is something of a struggle for even the strongest couples Just keep supporting each other Can you have counselling? We've got this thing locally called the marriage course It's very good Made us appreciate the 10 minutes after dinner before the washing up Etc Sending warmest support how to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 5/3/2011 Posts: 36 Location: lincolnshire
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Hi Jane my little dog was 17 months old when I got him he was petrified of everything no name I thought of suited him but he looked like a little old man sad scared and lonely I call him reg I know it's not really a shihtzu name but he is my shadow lays with me all night when I'm ill he is at my side just gotta teach him how to make a brew and we will be sorted lol :) he keeps me mobile love him to bits x x
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